Unicorns And Rainbows
by Avenging Neko
Summary: Life is perfect; there is no war, no death, no violence. Everything is rainbows and sparkles and love. Until… A young woman named Seras lets the black Alucorn out of his pen. (Complete crackfic, blame Jubalii.)


_**Unicorns And Rainbows**_

 _ **Ketti:**_ I regret nothing. I started this... Friday, August 14th 2015. And finished the first chapter as of a few minutes ago. This is going to be a crack story if only because I want things to happen, kinda like Llamas With Hats. Alucorn is totally going to be Carl.

But yeah, I dunno when I'll update it, probabl;y when I need the lulz. XD Feel free to suggest stuff for him to do! It might inspire me to write the next chapter sooner. Haha.

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Seras Victoria woke up whistling, the sunlight filtering in through her window like a gentle caress. Brushing her golden locks back from her face, the cheerful blonde got dressed in her simple blue dress with the white apron in front, tucking her mini sketch pad and pencils into the large central pocket.

She skipped down the stairs, skirts flouncing around her knees just the way she liked, and grabbed an apple from the table as she made her way outdoors to take in the crisp morning air. It smelled of freshly cut grass and damp earth. Taking a bite of the delicious red apple she waved cheerily to her neighbors and skipped gaily down the lane leading to the forest.

"Hello, Mr. Bird!" Seras chirped as she spotted a familiar robin, giggling behind her hand when she saw his mate perched on their nest. Mr. Robin had been busy! The birds twittered sweetly at her in reply as she passed beneath their branch, heading deeper into the woods where she knew a herd of unicorns wandered.

Seras alternated between humming and whistling as she ventured deeper into the trees, waving and calling cheerful greetings to each animal she passed, who either ignored her or turned away in reply. No creature would harm another in this place, and all was good in the world.

There! Seras caught a flicker of movement out of the corner of her eye and turned, excited, only to find the grove empty. "Aw…" Pouting, she made her way to the center where she could look up at the open sky, as her shadow spread out behind her she saw the flicker again, and turned in time to see a black shape whisk through the trees.

Excited at the thought of meeting a new creature, she gave chase quite cheerfully, calling out a 'Hello!' as her nimble feet jumped the tree roots and avoided being caught up in the web of vines. She squinted at the black shape, and wondered if it was perhaps a dog, but it was much bigger than any she'd seen before. The trees thickened, the canopy blocking more and more of the light so that the vibrant green glow grew darker and more threatening, but Seras foolishly paid it no mind, too caught up in her chase of the shadow animal. At last she stumbled out between two trees, falling over the uneven ground, and came face to face with the enormous ebony hound. It cocked its head at her, and Seras gasped in awe at the fey red eyes gleaming down at her. The dog huffed, and turned to look over its shoulder at the inner circle of the clearing – though the sky seemed dark as night, which confused Seras because it was just daylight a moment ago.

"You want to show me something?" Seras asked as she got back to her feet, brushing off her skirts and pulling a twig from her hair, the great black beast nodded and barked as it led her towards what she thought was a corral fence. The wood was pitch black, and seemed to emanate cold.

Alarmed, she took a step back, only to run into the dog who pushed her forward. Frowning, she glared back at the red eyed beast, who bared its teeth in a grin – or perhaps a snarl? – and pushed its head at her knees to send her stumbling against the rails of the fence. Landing with an _oomph_ , she looked up and found the fenced off area completely desolate of life; no grass grew, no birds sang in this part of the wood, and even the wind seemed to stop and hold its breath.

Then she heard it, the _clip clop_ of hooves on beaten ground. Seras strained her eyes in the dark, looking for the source of the noise, but saw nothing. The _clip clop_ continued at a steady pace until a sharp whinny came from the air over her head and she jumped, yipping in alarm.

Wicked laughter tickled the edge of her hearing as she looked up, and up, and up into the burning ginger gaze of the creature within the pen; a black unicorn.

She gasped, never having heard of a black unicorn before, and watched as those red eyes lowered until they were face to face, and the obsidian horn hovered above her, seeming to draw all the half light of the clearing into its depths.

"Are you a virgin, my dear?"

Seras jumped in alarm as the deep masculine voice seemed to emanate from the very air itself. Her cheeks flushed as she realized it was the unicorn speaking to her.

"That's very personal!" Seras protested, unable to tear her gaze away from his own fiery one as he whickered, and again she heard that ghostly laughter tickle the edge of her hearing.

"But unicorns are known to be partial to maidens," he countered with a purr, and Seras felt a tugging in her mind dimly. "Are you a maiden of virtue and light? You smell like one." His nostrils flared and her bangs tickled her nose, but still she could not look away. She wanted to reach out and touch him, the urge was almost terrifyingly strong.

The other unicorns she had ever met were female and white as snow, and while they enjoyed having their manes and tails brushed, Seras had never been offered a ride and she always had to track the flighty creatures down as they laughed at her teasingly.

"Do you want to pet me?" He rumbled, leaning his head forward until his nose brushed the border of the black fence, and Seras' fingers twitched as she half reached for him before jerking back in alarm.

"M-my mother told me to never talk to strangers!" Seras countered, stuttering the slightest bit as she tried to lean back away from the beguiling gaze. He laughed at her, and despite her annoyance at the fact, it sounded very nice.

"Are you a little girl then, to do as her mother says?" His tone was heavily laced with mockery, and his lip curled back to show his flat horsey teeth, but for a split second Seras could swear she saw jagged fangs. She assured herself It was merely a trick of the light.

"I'm not a little girl!" Seras protested, she hated being called a child, and her arms crossed over her chest, inadvertently emphasizing her bust line even more, and the black unicorn leered at her rather suggestively. "Yes," he agreed smoothly, "I can see that."

Seras was never so tempted to slap an animal than just then! Cheeks flaming she stomped a foot on the dry grass on her side of the rail and glared, turning to leave in a huff when the dog suddenly snarled at her.

Alarmed, she jumped back, and felt teeth sinking into the collar of her dress, attempting to tug her over the fence, and she shrieked in alarm as the hound pushed on her legs. "No! Stop it!"

There was a red flash in the air and the unicorn drew back with a whinny of alarm as Seras was deposited roughly on the ground and the enormous black dog yelped, backing up before baring its teeth and pacing a half circle around her, red eyes menacing as it glared at her suspiciously.

"What was that for?!" Seras demanded of the black unicorn as he stared at her from his side of the waist high barrier. He whickered and dipped his head, then canted it to the side to eye her appraisingly. "I was merely trying to keep you safe, my dear." He purred, "Would you rather be bitten by the hound?"

His words… her mind felt a little hazy, and his words made perfect sense to her, so she nodded, an apologetic look on her face as she leaned on the cold wood of the corral fence.

There was a tingle up her arms and she shivered, looking down to see her breath fogging. She jumped in alarm and backed up again, only to hear the beast growl at her while the unicorn took a half step forward.

"What's the matter, my dear?" He purred, and she was lost in his ginger gaze once more, "Why are you in such a rush? If you climb the fence, we can get to know each other a little better."

"If I climb the fence... you might hurt me."

"Would I do that?" He whickered, baring his flat horsey teeth at her as his horn glimmered with its own light, like a flickering star.

"You might," Seras retorted, crossing her arms once more, "there must be a reason you're in that fence."

His ghostly laughter floated across her ears and she shivered, casting half a glance back at the pacing hound.

"I'm in here because I choose to be." He announced blithely, pawing idly at the ground under the lowest rail, where the grass had withered to dry, ashy stalks.

"Then why not come out here?" Seras questioned suspiciously, and he tossed his head in a laugh.

"What would be the fun in that, little virgin?" He cooed before trotting a few steps sideways. "If you don't want to jump the fence, there's a gate over here."

She was about to question why on earth she would follow him when the dog snapped its jaws at her heels and she jumped forward, keeping pace with the black stallion.

"Is that your dog?" She demanded as she walked, glaring back at it as it wagged its tail and barked. The unicorn glanced at her, and she had the impression his eyebrows were raised as he trotted in high step to show off. "Why would a unicorn need a dog, little virgin?"

"So you're his unicorn, then." Seras smirked at the cocky stallion, who snorted and pawed the earth.

"If you want to think that, little virgin, I won't stop you." He nickered and his hooves flashed as he frolicked on the other side of the fence.

The dog barked and pushed on Seras' knees with his head, trying to goad her to walk faster, and she scowled at it, swatting its head. "Stop that!"

The hound huffed in amusement and nipped at her heels teasingly.

"Does it have a name?" Seras grumbled, "and for that matter, do you?"

The unicorn clicked his teeth together musingly, stopping to scratch at an itch on his shoulder with his hind hoof, a move Seras didn't realize horses could even manage. "What is a name?" He hummed, "A rose by any other name is just as sweet. If you want a name, it's polite to offer yours first, little virgin."

Seras paused, and for once the dog did not nip her, and the unicorn stopped his scratching to look at her for a long moment as she considered her options. Finally, she sighed, shoulders slumping. "It's Seras."

"Seras," he mused, drawing the name out, playing with the syllables over his tongue. "I think I like 'little virgin' better, don't you?"

The hound barked.

Seras stomped her foot in aggravation and started forward of her own accord, snapping over her shoulder; "Then your name is Blacky and his is Doggy!" She sniffed, raising her nose haughtily in the air, muttering under her breath about seeing how they liked being called something stupid.

There was a pause in which she heard nothing, and then quite abruptly there was a weight on her back as the hound jumped her and licked her face. Squealing in disgust she pushed at the slobbering head and almost crawled under the fence, but she paused at the last second and pulled herself upright instead, holding out a drool sodden arm to keep the beast at bay, "Stop it!"

The fence sparked a little, the red glow flickering around the obsidian wood, and Seras cast it a suspicious glance before looking at the unicorn and dog with narrowed eyes. Was she doing that somehow? Perhaps some magic in the wood was protecting her when she demanded they leave her be.

The unicorn snorted and pawed the earth, "I told you it'd be safer in here."

"I don't know, I think I'm pretty safe out here," she said smugly, crossing her arms. "In fact, I don't think you could touch me out here unless I allowed you to."

"He can," the unicorn nickered, the hound leaped up, front paws weighing down her shoulders as teeth grazed the back of her neck. She shrieked, shivering violently, and pushed at the intrusive weight. "Get off me!"

The teeth nipped at her neck again, but the dog refused to move and her knees shook with the strain of keeping both their weight up.

"Are you sure you wouldn't like to join me in my corral?" The unicorn tossed his head and whinnied, laughter prickling at her skin like thorns. "No thanks Blacky." She grit her teeth and took a step forward, the weight falling off her shoulders abruptly and sending her sprawling to the dirt. Mocking laughter echoed off the trees as the unicorn reared and pawed the air.

Seras huffed as she got toher feet, glaring at the two ebony creatures she was quickly coming to regret meeting. She eyed the trees, but had a sinking feeling that the protection that red light gave her extended only so far from the fence. So she grudgingly took another step along the rail, feeling hot breath on the back of her legs as the hound dogged her every step, forcing her onwards.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, a light came into view, revealing a large wrought iron gate into the corral. She tried to slow, but yipped as she was nipped and she smacked the muzzle of the beast quite sharply, but continued grimly nonetheless. The unicorn was waiting for her at the gate, hooves and horn flashing as he pranced.

"Now why on earth would I open this gate?" Seras demanded, arms crossed, "you haven't been very friendly, and your dog is obnoxious. Those aren't compelling reasons to let you loose in the woods.'

The nameless unicorn whickered in amusement and stuck his head between the wide spaced bars, red meeting blue with a static shock running down her spine. She swayed a little, hands clenching into fists as she stared into those hypnotic crimson depths. She _really_ wanted to pet him, just reach out a hand and stroke the soft velvet of his nose. He snuffled the air and stretched a little farther, inviting her touch. Seras forgot entirely about the hound, and how creepy the unicorn seemed as she reached out trembling fingers to the surprisingly cold skin of his muzzle. Her hand worked its way slowly up the long face to rest on his forehead next to the horn. She wanted to…

Taking a step closer, and then another as he retreated in equal measure to keep the distance between then, she found herself abruptly at the gate, arm straining through the bars to keep contact with that smooth cold hide. A tingling burn ran up her skin, but she ignored it, too enraptured by the enticing gaze of the unicorn. He would let her ride him, she knew, and it would be better than all the pony rides she'd ever had as a child. The wind in her hair, against her skin… sh felt hot, feverish really, and longed to cool off. Her free hand fastened itself around the latch to the gate and just as she was about to pull she heard a voice shouting in alarm.

Confused, she glanced to the side, only to lose her footing as she was pushed backwards, pulling the gate open with her as she clutched it for balance. There was a boom like thunder and the world was dyed red as the unicorn whinnied in triumph and trotted out to stand on the other side of the gate, Seras sprawled at his hooves like a virgin sacrifice.

"You fool!" The voice bellowed and Seras caught a glimpse of long blonde hair as someone with a pitchfork ran towards her, "What have you done?!"

Before Seras could even think of a response, her thoughts sluggish and confused, she felt teeth in the collar of her dress once more and yipped as she was tossed unceremoniously onto the back of the majestic monster, fingers curling instinctively into the tangled mane as wind caressed her flushed cheeks and lights flashed before her eyes in dizzying waves. She didn't feel so good. Maybe if she closed her eyes, she'd wake up in her bed and realize this was all a dream. Or a nightmare.

"Oh, we're going to have _so_ much fun, little virgin. The day has only just begun." Mad laughter chased her into darkness as she blacked out, feeling cold and motion sick, and like she'd done something terrible, something _unforgivable_ , and it was all her fault for talking to the wicked black unicorn.


End file.
